Driving Barefoot

Much has been said over the past few months about motherhood. Traditional views of what a mother is have become warped, and society has begun to draw the conclusion that raising children is not a good life goal. More and more often, young people are claiming to not want children at all, or are having fewer on average compared to very recent years. Fathers in general have been disregarded as not much more than a support check in the mail, if any presence is known at all. What has caused this? Not so long ago, the idea of raising a family was the American dream. Family, meaning two parents and one home. To give our children better than what we had, like our parents did for us. Is that dream lost in the swirls of feminism, a hyper-sexual society, and an overall need for money? Does it just seem that way because traditional families tend to have a lesser presence on social media while more modern-thinking young people tend to speak with a louder voice? Most importantly, what does our faith tell us about motherhood?

This post is centered first around a faith-based perspective, as is the rest of Driving Barefoot. No matter what society says, God speaks. He will always guide us on the path we are meant to follow. Second, this post centers around the female perspective. Serving as a mother, honoring as a wife, and raising a family. There are a multitude of personal stories, and factors that have encouraged single motherhood over time. This post is not meant to cover them all, rather to form a general perspective. Likewise, this post is not meant to pass judgement on those women out there who have made a tough decision to separate from a spouse. I am not commenting on the many reasons why a partnership might not work out. This post is about the feminist movement and how societal pressures have guided female perspectives from history to modern-day America.

Let’s begin in the early 1900s. Prior to the turn of the century, the role of a woman was to bear children and run the household. A husband primarily worked for income, while a woman provided care for the family and kept the house in order. This was a servanthood role, rewarded by the fulfillment of a happy family. When a woman did work, it was typically in a job that was well-suited to feminine qualities. Society began to shift in the early 1900s. This was an industrial boom time where big cities shot up and the need for workers increased. During World War I, women filled gaps in the workforce while young men were fighting overseas – taking on jobs that were previously resigned for men. After the war, The Women’s Suffrage Movement took hold, and women earned their right to vote in August of 1920. Throughout the 1920’s women began to show more skin, wear tighter clothes, and to spend more time outside of the home. As America moved into the Great Depression more women looked for work to help support the family, and during World War II, women took a stronghold in the workforce. They took over as young men shipped overseas, with more women taking part in the direct war effort than ever before. Women have always been involved in American wars, but World War II was different – women began to actively serve in the military and to seek out meaningful careers. After World War II, moving into the 1950’s, there was a family atmosphere to America. Suburbs popped up outside of big cities, and Baby Boomers were born. Some women chose to navigate careers, but, the cohesive family unit was the norm. Material living was accentuated during this prosperous time, and every family on the block was trying to “keep up with the Joneses”. For the first time in American history, American families didn’t just have what they needed to get by – they wanted the next best thing. Mass production combined with the commonplace television and radio boomed advertising like never before. Into the later part of the century, women were celebrated for breaking “glass ceilings”. They took more active roles in business, politics, and Hollywood. These women were considered role models. Strong, determined, poised, and graceful. They were resilient and made thoughtful decisions regarding their reputation. They knew that any mistake would cost them more than it would for any man, and they were resolute in proving their worth to the workforce.

Moving now into more recent American history. Babies born in the 1990’s are now in their twenties. Modern feminism has warped what it means to be a woman. Women who are in their twenties and thirties have been told that they are too good for any man, and they certainly don’t need to be taken care of. Young girls who are growing up now, are being told that they might be gay, or might be a boy. What was once a movement to empower women into confidence has become a push away from what it means to be a woman at all. Social media magnifies every single voice and every single opinion. Even if this was the norm in the early 1900’s, technology would not have allowed the split-second worldwide dissemination for every temper tantrum across the world. Over time, women have let up on proving their worth, and instead complain about it. They will not be uncomfortable and they will always place the blame on someone other then themselves. Strong feminists of the early 1900’s wouldn’t even recognize the messages of feminists today:

• We were told that anything boys could do, we could do too. This simply isn’t true. Men are built to be physically stronger, and their brains are hard-wired to hunt and protect. The brain of a woman is hard-wired to pay closer attention to detail, recall information, and show empathy, among other things. Now we are told that we can actually be boys, or that boys can be us.
• We were told to be strong and independent. That we don’t need a man. We were told that chivalry was dead, and now we complain that there are no good men left. We lowered the standard for how a man should treat us, because of pride.

• We were told to take charge of our sexuality. Women have always had sex outside of marriage, but there were consequences. Sometimes these consequences would last a lifetime. Over time, women have been told to take charge of their sexuality. Rather than being entrancing to a man, women show more skin. Rather than holding their standard high and requiring a man to provide something of value before sex, women choose to sleep around. A swipe right is all it takes get a woman into bed sometimes. Never mind what boys are doing – men and women are different. The expectation that a woman is equal to a man in how the brain processes sex with multiple partners is absurd. Neither is a good thing, but again this post is centered around the female perspective. We will get into the male perspective later on.
• In 2021, 1 out of every 6 children in America were being raised without a father (references are below). How does a woman pay for her child and herself while also raising a child? Or two or three children? The government has an answer. The government said, you don’t need a father for your children. You can become dependent on me. Young men were disregarded as unimportant, not responsible for the consequences of sex. Likewise, rather than instilling mature sexual decisions in women as they grow up, society tells them that they should have sex, but they shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of raising a child.
• We are told that children slow us down. Children are too expensive, and take up too much time. Some women can’t have children, or genuinely don’t want to. Most women do. Why? Because again, our brains are hard-wired to reproduce and raise children. It is the single most terrifying, most fulfilling thing that a woman can do with her life.

Psalm 127:3-4: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”

• We are told that single mothers are strong, and can do it all. Tax benefits are given to single parent households, with tax breaks for each child. Marriage has been widely discouraged by society as a burden for women to take on, when it was meant to be a secure partnership where a woman fulfills her potential.
• Movements, such as Black Lives Matter among others, seek to “dismantle the nuclear family”. Why would they do this? What possible good reason is there to lead people into thinking that a husband, wife, and kids is a bad thing that needs to be dismantled? Nobody has ever been able to answer this question for me. Besides, if black lives matter so much to that corporation, why wouldn’t they support young black lives being raised in a family?

Proverbs 21:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The cost of living has risen to the point that two incomes are often required to sustain it. Article after article will be posted complaining about how the 40-hour workweek was designed to have one parent at home, how exhausted women are for working and cleaning and cooking. How pressured they feel, and how much “mom guilt” they live with. The statistics of women who are taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication are staggering. Some women truly need them to stabilize the brain, and some are desperate for some relief to their daily schedule, even if it comes in the form of a pill.

Some women do truly suffer from post-partum depression, but a lot of those feelings are also very normal. Throughout history, new mothers often had their own mothers around to guide them. Now, women tend to wait longer to have kids or have moved away from their own family. Especially if they are not married, they don’t have the traditional support that new mothers typically get. Is it possible that for some women, post-partum depression is situational? You may only be a new mother a few times, and if societal pressures are pulling you away from your children, then you already know what you were meant to be.

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

In 1916, the first Planned Parenthood clinic was opened in Brooklyn. One of the main motivations behind the creation was to free women from the “chronic condition” of pregnancy by providing abortions rather than the more commonplace self-induced abortions of the time. This revolved around the birth control wave of the time, where women began to control their own fertility rather than abstaining from sex. Over time, this line of thinking led women to have more sex outside of marriage, more sexual partners and as a result, more children outside of wedlock. The combination of more promiscuous sex, and more abortions to control the consequences of sex, has hollowed out women. Sex has become nothing more than a physical act, when it was never meant to be. Lately, during the abortion debates raging over the internet, people often say that sex is for pleasure and children are nothing more than a bi-product. This is entirely incorrect. The Bible references sex as a beautiful, intimate act between a husband and wife within the bonds of marriage, in addition to multiplying and replenishing the earth (Genesis 1:28). To defile that by making it a primal act of physical pleasure is dangerous, and women who engage in this type of behavior are never happy, fulfilled, or confident.

We are now being told that it is our right to kill our children. There are men and women in this country who would rather dismember their own child before they’ve taken their first breath, rather than make moral sexual choices, or at least take accountability for their sexual choices. I’ve always believed that abortion is wrong, but I didn’t know how genuinely disgusting it is until I was shown a video of how abortion works at 20 weeks. If you think I’m being vulgar, a 20 week old baby is sucked apart limb by limb, often feeling pain and not dying immediately. Planned Parenthood videos on Youtube don’t show this process and instead outline a basic catheter procedure with little cartoon figures.

Mother Theresa said that once a society reaches a place where mothers kill their children, any evil can take hold. This is the capstone of the modern feminist movement. It sought to pull women out of the home, where they are powerful and influencing. It sought to put them to work in a factory, and then in a business, and then anywhere she wants, and it told them that this was powerful. It stressed them to exhaustion, because they felt pressured to hold a career while fighting their instinct to run the home. The children who grew up in these types of homes are now adults and debating having a family of their own. They most likely felt neglected at some points during their childhood and saw how hard their parents worked. They are now being told that if they find themselves pregnant, it is “their body, their choice” to kill their own child. Abortion was once a jarring life decision that a woman made when she found herself backed into a corner. Most women who have had one, will regret it. Again, fighting the natural instinct to protect your child at all costs, modern-day feminists scream that abortion is a good thing to do. If you do choose to have a child, society will tell them that they may have been “assigned” the wrong gender at birth, promote their sterilization through procedure to ensure that they don’t ever have a family of their own some day. Modern Americans complain about how hard it is to finance a family, and never hesitate to speak on what they didn’t have growing up, forgetting that family values don’t cost any money.

Now, in modern day America, women have decided to push men into admitting that unattractive things are beautiful. Modern-day feminists will gain an absurd amount of weight, wear absurd makeup, refuse to bathe, deliberately make themselves ugly and then demand that men find them attractive. They demand that they are beautiful and anyone who says otherwise is hateful. Again, this directly goes against a woman’s primal instinct. Unfortunately, modern day feminists have become so self-centered and hateful, that they refuse to better themselves. Instead, they scream that you are the problem. Again, the type of women who engage in this behavior are never happy, fulfilled, or confident. They need validation and affirmation for every part of them and they are so emotionally immature that they can’t function when they don’t get their way. They throw temper tantrums much like an emotionally immature toddler because they’ve never grown up. They’ve never coped with something truly difficult, which is why they glorify their victim status.

So what does the Bible say about all this? Women are powerful when they are women. Don’t try to be anything else. To do that is to go directly against God’s best laid plans for you. Throughout history, God has been removed little by little from various institutions. This has gone hand in hand with everything I’ve discussed above. Stay steadfast in your faith. Don’t listen to what society tells you is best, pray about your heart. Pray about your family. Please, pray for the state of our country.

Romans 1:24-32 “Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”

Articles referenced for this post:

https://www.businessinsider.com/us-birth-fertility-rate-decline-having-baby-millennials-kids-cost-2021-6

https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tips/family/5-tax-tips-for-single-moms/L8IlzJ4EW

https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/about-us/who-we-are/our-history

When You Feel Overwhelmed

Follow the link below to move to the Strength and Dignity page. This page is a compilation of life lessons (often learned the hard way) and how the Bible can guide you through obstacles as they come your way. Scroll to the first story to read!

Every Woman’s Scripture

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

As I left high school, I thought that I would be a soccer mom. That was what my mom did: got married young and raised a family. I thought I would follow the same path, but when my high school relationship did not grow with me, I found that I liked a different path. I was very independent and wasn’t sure if I wanted children at all. I wasn’t interested in dating for fun, and I got to a point where I wasn’t sure if I would ever get married. Although I was lonely at times, I realized that my chances of meeting someone were very low. Work, school, gym, repeat. I think a lot of women fall into this category. I got a lot of validation out of my career and was very driven towards my goals.

In my early twenties, I struggled with insecurity – the voice in my head that whispered “girls like you don’t do things like that”. Slowly, achievement by achievement, I made that voice quiet down. It is still there from time to time, but as I gained confidence I realized that there are no “girls like me”. Each woman out there is on her own path, guided by God. “Girls like me” is nothing more than a mediocre comparison to a path that is not my own. As for the second half of that statement, I know now that I can do almost anything. I say almost because I know my own talents. For example, I’ll never be a professional singer and I’m okay with that. I’m not good at singing or performing – it’s just not my thing. I am good at plenty of other things. My husband believes in me even more than I do. He is constantly throwing out career trajectories that I could follow. What I’ve found though, is over the past year my ambitions have changed into something that I wouldn’t have even recognized three or four years ago.

When I look at my next five, ten, twenty years, I now envision a family. Everyone told me this would happen and I rolled my eyes more times than I can count. Honestly, I thought it would be weak to give up on a career goal to stay at home. I just thought I could do it all. I thought that if I had kids, I would just magically strike this perfect balance of success. Now though, the idea of a prestigious career that requires me to work 60-80 hours a week is simply not what I want. I haven’t turned completely away from having a career, but once I have children, I genuinely want to be their mother. Three years ago, the idea of working weekends meant a fast-track to success. Working twelve-hour days was the grind that I loved. I enjoyed seeing how tired I could get; teetering on the edge of taking on too much only to pull it all off. Now, the idea of missing a soccer game, of missing even one holiday, of missing moments with my family is simply not what I want.

I write about this shift in thinking because it took me a while to accept it. My mom told me once that it was okay to change goals. She said leaving a goal behind is not always giving up. Some goals take years to achieve and during that time, priorities change. At the time, I didn’t think much of it but I know now that she is right. It is okay for me to never learn how to fly a helicopter, to not go to a seven month school, to seek out the career that fits my life rather than making my family fit around my work schedule. The Psychologist Jordan Peterson once gave a lecture about how the first four years of a child’s life are fleeting. He talked about how you only have small children for a little bit of time and once it is gone, it can’t come back. This only solidified my thoughts further – raising children is not a consolation prize. Just because most people can have a child and most people can’t be the CEO of a successful business doesn’t make it any less prestigious. Of course, certain people who knew me before I met my husband have voiced their opinion on how I’ve changed. Comments about me “going soft” or “giving up” roll right off my back now. I am not making myself smaller by prioritizing my family. Being an excellent wife and mother is not “going soft”. Guiding your family to Christ is no small feat in this world, and nothing is more important than your children and your husband knowing that you are 110% there for them.

I am not taking away from career-driven women at all by voicing this opinion. Some women decide not to have children at all, and some women manage a robust career with their family. Those are both great options and I commend anyone who manages that. As long as you are walking in prayer and service to Christ rather than selfish ambitions, then you are following God’s plan for you. I’m simply writing about the shift in my own thinking.

Recently, I was discussing my next career move with a mentor, and I told her that three years ago if someone had told me that a project had a heavy workload I would not have thought twice about it. Now, I want my weekends with my husband. This time in our marriage is highly valuable too – once we have kids, we will never get it back.

This comes down to accepting who you are as a woman. I had instincts that were undiscovered for the first twenty-seven years of my life. To stifle that in order to stubbornly chase after my professional goals would be to go against who I am now and who I am growing into. A common theme in the Bible is the gracious woman who takes care of her family and is quick to help others. The Bible speaks of women who work hard each day, all to provide for their family. They are not lazy by any measure. Notice though, that men provide income and sustenance to the family. Women provide for their family by running the household. Their acts of service build and support the family. No amount of money or prestige could replace guiding my family on a Godly path, and if I ever get to the point where I sense that my career is taking away from my family, I will not hesitate to choose my family.

1 Timothy 6:6-8 “But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.”

But When God Calls, You Answer.

If my first story wasn’t about dogs, it wouldn’t be who I am. I wasn’t always this way though. I always say that my husband is my greatest testimony, however my dogs are a very close second:

My husband had two dogs when we married. When he came home after a year of being overseas, we got married and spent the next (almost) month traveling around and seeing family. Then, we were on our way to our new home. We had talked about this home many times while he was away – this was the place where our life together would begin. He was so excited to get back to his dogs, but I didn’t feel the connection to them that I was hoping for, and I was struck with the feeling that my husband and I would never really be alone together again. We had this other factor now, to think about and make plans around.

Please don’t misunderstand – I love dogs. I considered getting one many times but held off because I lived in various apartments and had long days between work and school. I liked being able to do whatever I wanted without thinking about getting home to let the dogs out. I liked that my apartment was always just as I left it – no shedding, no messes, no dog-proofing. I didn’t expect to feel the way I did about these dogs; I thought I would love them just as my husband did. I felt like a bad wife, and I couldn’t help but feel like my life had just turned into something I wasn’t prepared for. I confided in my best friend, and she said “Em, you know yourself. You warm up to new things slowly – you build relationships. You’re not spontaneous with your heart. Give it a little time and see how you feel then”. She was absolutely right. I was caught up in the selfish, petty feelings of the moment and reacting emotionally. Back up, see what God has put in front of you, and then move forward, step by step.

The next morning, rather than the lazy mornings we had before, we had to get up and get them outside. Then, my husband wanted to take them out to find a place to eat. The town we moved to was known for being dog-friendly, so off we went. Less than an hour later, our boy Boomer collapsed. He was fine, and then he wasn’t. I ran to go get the car. When we got to the closest vet clinic that Google could find, my husband went inside and I ended up taking our girl Penny to go get some water. I wanted to get her a toy or treat, but she walked up and down every aisle, unimpressed. Finally, we left with just water. I sat in the parking lot, kind of numb to everything going on, and caught her eye in my rearview mirror. She was looking right at me and I was struck with a new feeling – like we had connected. She was the kind of dog that was slow to warm up, and liked to keep to herself. It was like somehow she understood that I was overwhelmed, and she was too – in a new place, with a sick brother, and a lady she barely knew.

We drove back to the vet and found out that Boomer needed surgery. When the vet came out with the estimate, I turned to my husband and told him that we’d use my card. This was the moment we became a team with the dogs. I knew he was stressed about money with all of the traveling, holidays, and expenses we had just finished up. I had an opportunity come my way a few months prior, and as a result had saved some money (another story, for another time). Problem solved. I’ll never forget the way he looked at me. I’ll never forget that feeling, when I got to take care of my husband. The man who always knows what to do, the strong and steady man who holds it together no matter what. That man needs a wife who keeps him safe in a crisis.

              Boomer had his surgery, and the next day we moved into our new house. We packed Penny, a drugged-up Boomer, and all of our things up and left the hotel. This was exciting – our first home. I wondered about all the things that would happen here – the long nights on the couch together that we had missed while he was away, cooking for two, picking out furniture and building our home. The agent let us know that a final walk-through had not been done yet, so I took the dogs out back. Boomer was so uncomfortable but would not lay down. He never liked hard surfaces (we all love our snuggle dogs). Finally, I put a blanket on the ground for him and sat next to it. When I called him over, he laid on the concrete (totally ignoring the blanket) and laid his head in my lap. This was a really uncomfortable position, with my ankle being pressed into the concrete but I didn’t dare move. He looked up at me as if he knew that he could relax and I would keep him safe. That was it – I was in love. It was as if both of them had chosen me to be their Momma and from that moment on, we were a family. I couldn’t imagine building this home without them. In less than two days, I went from feeling like an outsider, to almost losing one before we had a chance, to being a true dog mom.

              Boomer recovered quickly from his surgery, however a week later we found out that what caused him to collapse was a tumor that turned out to be cancerous. A kind of cancer with a long name where dogs typically show no signs of being sick until the end of their life. This came as a shock to us. Nobody believed that Boomer was twelve years old anyway, and we couldn’t believe that he was sick. I remember looking at my husband and saying “but I just fell in love with him”.  I laid on our mattress on the floor with Boomer that night and took a picture of him. I thought we would lose him any minute. His prognosis was 1-3 months. I still look at that picture sometimes and I wish I could talk to myself. If I could, I would tell myself that we had closer to the three month mark. That we would get ice cream for dinner, go the dog park many times, take a beach day, finally all eat out together like we planned. I would tell myself that sometimes it would feel like a time-bomb in my heart, but to try and push past that. I would tell myself to live in each moment, but that I couldn’t have too many pictures and videos. One day, I would be very thankful for them.

Boomer’s passing was excruciating. His liver was swelling, so eventually it caused a disc in his back to bulge, and he went down-hill quickly. The last thing I was able to get him to eat was Popeye’s chicken and once he wouldn’t eat anymore, I had to tell my husband that it was time. I felt very fortunate to still be working from home then – to be able to be with him all day and not have to worry. My husband and I were perfect for each other through this. He was devastated as we decided to take Boomer in to the vet and kept asking me if we were doing the right thing. I was pleading with God, asking Him to give us more time. Hoping I was wrong and Boomer would be fine like he always had been before. I tried to be steady for my husband – the last thing he needed was for me to be wavering when he felt so conflicted. Putting Boomer to sleep was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done. It was awful. Anyone who has ever gone through this knows how conflicting it is. It was afterwards that my husband I switched roles – when they told us Boomer was gone, every fiber in me wanted to scream at them to bring him back. I kept thinking he would wake up. I couldn’t fathom that his body was right there but his soul was gone. I have been very fortunate in my life to never have to put an animal down, and I had never lost a dog. Growing up, my family mostly had cats and being there with them as they passed away was a totally different experience. I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the permanence of what we had just seen, and as we left the vet my husband became the steady one. He was in so much pain – he just lost his best friend of twelve years – but he felt peace too. It took me a while to come around to that. I think that is as close to hysterical as I’ve ever felt. I’ve never had to fight my own emotions that way.

Our house felt so quiet and empty without Boomer. When we woke up the next morning, I kept thinking we were going to pick him up. My husband was adamant that we get a puppy soon afterwards – he wanted to give Penny a companion. I wasn’t ready. We went to a few adoption events and the puppies were cute – my logical mind agreed with him that we had space in our hearts and home, and there is no shortage of dogs who need that. But my emotions were very raw. I was going through the motions – I didn’t want a new dog, I wanted Boomer back. I wanted to cling to Penny. No dog seemed right for us after the amazing one we just had. Then I found a boy dog on a rescue site one night. He was a little older than what we were looking for, but I put in a request anyway. The day came for us to meet him, and neither of us expected anything to become of it. We walked up to an awkward, gangly looking puppy who sat right in my lap and leaned against my chest. When we walked him, my husband asked if this was the one. I wasn’t sure – but there was something about this little dog that was stealing my heart. By then, I had learned to listen to my gut feeling when I just needed a push to take a major life event step.

We named him Charlie. Never in my life has someone loved me the way Charlie does. He is the sweetest, most loyal, goofy dog. He is so smart – if he doesn’t know what to do, he will try to figure out what we are asking for. He has driven me crazy in moments but when I think about his life, it is filled with joy. I can’t get enough of my Mama’s Boy. He has some similarities to Boomer, but very much his own personality. He helped us heal. When I look at him and think about how he was dumped in a parking lot as a two month old puppy – the idea that someone could do that to a baby is sickening; the idea of how he must have felt, hungry, cold and lonely. Then, picked up by a rescue and moved to another family, then with us. The idea that after all that turmoil, he can still be so goofy and loving is inspiring. Charlie loved Penny and followed her everywhere. She was a little grumpy at first, but quickly looked out for this new little puppy.

About four months after Boomer passed, Penny stopped eating. I had a bad gut feeling that something was wrong with her. She was diagnosed with hookworms and I felt relieved when she began to eat, but two weeks later she stopped again. Even with human food, she sniffed like she was interested but wouldn’t eat it. I took her back to the vet, knowing something more was wrong. We all know what it means when animals stop eating, and I couldn’t help but feel like she was missing her brother too much. The vet felt swollen lymph nodes throughout her body, which were not swollen two weeks prior. She sent them to be biopsied, and called a few days later to tell me that Penny had lymphoma. She said it’s a tricky cancer that can respond very well to treatment. In the days while we waited for her results, my husband was adamant that Penny was fine. When he got home from work that day, before I could say anything he asked me if the vet called. When I told him, he immediately went over and laid down on the floor with her. This was a Wednesday. Friday she was fine, still not eating much but picking here and there. Saturday, Penny fell off a cliff. She was stiff to walk outside, and her belly began to swell. By Sunday, she resembled a pot-bellied pig, and we were spoon-feeding her little bites of food to try and give her some calories. Sunday afternoon she wandered to the front door, which wasn’t something she usually did. I let her outside and we sat on the front porch for a long time. Soon after she needed to be carried outside and couldn’t even stand up to use the bathroom. Sunday night she passed away at home with us. This was a different kind of pain, and it stuck with me longer than Boomer’s did. There was peace in knowing that it was natural, and I was thankful that it happened so quickly. Taking her to the emergency vet that night, and walking away was really really hard. It stuck with me for a long time afterwards, re-playing in my mind. I felt guilty about Penny – Boomer got a lot of attention and then we brought Charlie home. My logical mind knew that Penny had a great life and was a happy, well-loved dog, but my irrational and grieving mind haunted me. I told my husband that I was sorry I hadn’t been a better mom to her and he seemed genuinely perplexed. He didn’t hesitate to describe all the things we had done for her, and I began to heal.

We had only Charlie for about 6 months before we started talking about getting a second dog. We knew he wanted a playmate but our little family was perfect. One Thursday evening, we went to the same dog park where we go often, and a couple was there who were fostering a dog. We told them that we would take her if nobody else did by the time her foster was up, and we did. She was crazy. It was clear that she had been a stray for a while, and we started the whole process of house-training and basically teaching how to be a dog over again. Once again, my orderly and clean home was constantly dirty. Once again, I was faced with the turmoil of wondering if we had forced something or followed God’s plan. I felt guilty about Charlie – would he know that we still love him? Would he feel replaced?

So here we are, about a month later. Charlie and Juliet are inseparable. There have been growing pains, but also a lot of joy. After about a week, I asked my husband if he was happy that we have her, he said “She’s not the dog I would’ve chosen, but we had room in our home and when God calls, you answer”. Now that more time has passed, I’ve watched Juliet turn into a complete and total Daddy’s Girl. Watching my husband fall in love with her after Penny has been really peaceful. That got me thinking about all four of my dogs. Charlie was the only one that I really chose, and that was a moment in time when I didn’t want the choice. I never saw it coming – the day when I would be THAT dog mom – thinking of ways to make them happy, looking forward to morning snuggles and wagging tails. God knew exactly what kind of love I needed, and how to open my heart to it. He showed me how loving our dogs would make my husband feel even more loved, and how much joy I could find.

I think that this story also shows what happens when you give your pain over to God. I felt sucked in by how much it hurt, and all the things that we wanted to do with Penny and Boomer. Even now, we will go to a new place and talk about how much they would’ve loved it. The fact of the matter is though, that this life God has blessed us with moves forward. There is no wallowing in place, and certainly no going back. I’m not demeaning the pain of loss, nor am I encouraging you to immediately run out and get a new pet after losing the one you love. This was our story. What I would encourage you to do is recognize your own healing process, and don’t shy away from opportunity. Maybe volunteer at a shelter or foster, so that you see life moving forward and you’ll feel the push to join in. There is no shortage of animals who are waiting for forever homes, and I believe that there is no shortage of forever homes either. I think taking that first step, making that kind of commitment, is the tough part. If you feel that calling, pray on it and give it to God. If you’re not there in your life, that is okay! Stay honest about what you are capable of, and pray on that too. The most important thing is to commit everything you do to God, and then follow the path that He lays out. You can expect to feel turmoil and doubt, but if you stay close to God, He will ease those earthly feelings and show you the joy of this life.