The Love of Your Life

My greatest testimony

There are certain moments in time that confirm your faith. When I think about the night that I met my husband, I know that God was smiling down on both of us, slowly steering us towards each other until He whispered “here you go, pay attention to this one”.

It was a Saturday evening. A drill weekend for me, and I had been awake since 4:30 that morning at the range with my unit. I almost talked myself out of the gym multiple times, but decided to stubbornly stick to my routine. I was dirty, tired, and hungry. I pulled a set of dirty gym clothes (I know, how gross) out of the trunk of my car and shuffled inside. I changed out of my uniform and scanned the weight room as I walked out of the locker room. Then I saw him. The exact moment that I walked out, he was standing up off of the leg press machine and looked right at me. I had to will myself to keep walking, to be cool. My first thought was “That is the hottest guy I’ve ever seen!”. Next thing I know, he walked into the cardio room where I was acutely aware of how dirty my hair was and what I must look like. The funny thing was, I never cared before him. I loved the gym and never paid attention to someone looking at me or not. I began to think about what kind of guy he must be, to be doing a leg day on a Saturday night when he could have been anywhere else…

Every time I looked at him, he was looking at me… but he never tried to talk to me. I began to think that he must be with someone already, or simply not interested. I packed up my stuff and left the gym a while later. As I opened the door I looked back over my shoulder and he was looking right at me again. I was struck with a feeling that I should go back inside. I literally argued with myself because I was NOT the kind of girl who went back in for a guy. I was happy being single and would never make myself more convenient for any man, especially one I didn’t even know. Just as my pride was about to win, a little voice in my head whispered “what do you have to lose?”. I guessed that voice was right, it could be fun and I had been telling myself lately that I should have more fun.

I walked back up to the gym door and was surprised to find that he was walking out. He walked by me, and seeing that my chance was slipping away I blurted out “hey, have a good night”. He stopped and asked if I was single and if I wanted to get a drink sometime. Then, I had to either commit to going back inside or make a fool of myself. I chose the latter, telling him that I hadn’t left anything inside but just wanted to talk to him (I still cringe thinking of it). We exchanged numbers and he texted me that night… no games, no arbitrary three day rules. We both saw something we wanted, and took the chance to go for it.

What I didn’t know at the time was that he had a very stressful day on the day we met. A number of things hadn’t gone his way, and he decided to go to the gym to blow off steam that night. Typically not where he would spend his Saturday evenings. Neither of us was “ready” or even looking for a serious relationship. Both of us had pasts that we wrangled with to move forward. If I didn’t have my faith, the sheer number of factors that, if changed even a little, would have caused us to move right by each other and to never meet is terrifying. I know in the most peaceful spaces of my heart, that God orchestrated every step that led us to meet. He gave us the perseverance and grace to lead us through an entire year of being 7,000 miles apart. By the rules of the world, we never should have made it. By the rules of God, neither of us ever had a doubt.

I share this testimony with you to share the love of God, but also to encourage you to wait. Before I met my husband, I swung back and forth between being happy as a single woman and being really lonely. Whenever I met a guy, I felt in my gut that we just weren’t matched. When I ignored those feelings, bad things happened. When I listened, I began to think there was something wrong with me. When I think back on my early twenties, I often wonder why I didn’t have more fun. If I’m totally honest, it was because I was trying to please a guy. There were guys who came and went, and I didn’t have the confidence to understand what I wanted. To say no, or to set boundaries. My happiest times were adventures alone or memories with my girlfriends. Please, don’t be convenient to a man. Don’t sacrifice your schedule or your Saturday to spend time with a man that you don’t really want, or who doesn’t want you. When I met my husband, I said no to him a few times because I had finally reached the point where I knew when a man was worth my time, and me saying no because my schedule was busy and not because I was playing hard to get was something that made him respect me even more. My husband was okay with any boundary I set… and now he’s my husband. Now, I have a wonderful marriage and my confidence.

Please, be single until you find one you want. If he doesn’t want you back, open your eyes to that. If it doesn’t work out, learn from it and move forward. Cherish your life as a young woman. If you’re conflicted as to what you want, have some fun and loosen up. You don’t need to know today. Maybe you don’t know what you want because you haven’t found it yet. When I say have fun and loosen up, I mean simply be social. If I could go back and do it all again this is the main thing I would improve. I isolated myself and remained socially awkward. Go join a church group, or a Meetup (it’s an app, go download it). If you don’t fit in, look for something else. If you get rejected by a prospective female friend, then you’ve learned how to handle rejection. We need to surround ourselves with a cohort of people who bring good things to our life. Become a valued person by valuing yourself and others. Then, get out and live your life. What God has planned for you will unfold from there.