One week ago I got a message that I never expected to read. I was leaving work when I checked a group chat between myself, my husband, and another couple. That was how I found out that one of my best friends lost her husband. I read it, and reread it, thinking it wasn’t funny…. why would she say something like that? Slowly, my mind started to realize that it wasn’t a joke, and then I wished it was.
S serves as a Chaplain in the US Army, and met her husband when they were both Police Officers for the NYPD. Suddenly, without warning, her husband, JC was gone on to glory. JC was a great friend to me, and very close with my husband who is deployed right now. Many tearful conversations followed. JC was truly kind. Always with a joke, always with a smile. I could go on and on. It broke my heart to be unable to comfort my husband well, and my heart shattered for S. I don’t know how she will go on, but I know that she will find a way. Little by little, and piece by piece, she is forever changed but she will grow stronger.
In the movies, when a spouse passes away, there is usually a moment of where the character finds peace and moves on. Closure, and then happiness. Real life isn’t like that. When you’ve intertwined every tiny aspect of your life with someone else, how do you stand on your own? The pain of mourning is just one aspect, but there is also the logical aspect of closing out another’s life – taking their name off of titles and bills, closing accounts, what to do with their things and of course, planning a funeral. The major aspect though, is all the reminders – the memories and flashbacks. Your daily habitual pieces that fit around your better half. All your plans that look different, big and small.
It is natural to ask why this would happen to such a wonderful young couple. Married only a few years with a long life ahead. It is human to be angry, that the God you’ve devoted your life to serving would call your husband, your neighbor, your friend, home without warning. Death is strange, and incomprehensible in a way. My aunt passed away in the fall after a long illness, and I can remember being at her funeral vividly. I remember seeing her in the casket and not being able to fully process that she was there and gone at the same time. It seemed that wasn’t her lying there – because it wasn’t. Everything that made her who she was had gone on to Heaven. S posted many beautiful tributes to her husband on Facebook, but the one that stood out to me was when she said this:
“Today you celebrate an eternity with Jesus Christ. I can’t imagine how you must have felt when you opened your eyes to see our Savior. How great joy you must have felt being in His arms. To hear “welcome home my son”. I know you must have cried and been in awe. And I know being with our Lord is better than being here… I know God’s got me and He has surrounded me with great people. But this hurts. Yet, through it all, God is still good. He gives and takes away and I am at peace knowing He is Sovereign and in control.”
She could see through her pain, even for a moment, to wonder at the glory her husband has been given. That’s truly what death is. It is a true reward. Our pain on earth comes from missing our loved ones. The habits we developed with them, the plans we had with them, the accessibility and physical touch. I’ve had to remind myself that my friend is gone over the past week because my mind naturally goes to the place where he is still around. I’m reminded of the hymn called “When We All Get to Heaven” – In the past few years, I can’t listen to that song without getting emotional. I’ve sung it since I was a child, but as I’ve grown in my faith it is apparent that Heaven truly is the glory. One day we will all be there, but until then we are here and called to bring others to the glory as well. Those who go before us have made it. They’ve seen a glory that we can’t even imagine. In Matthew 22:30. Jesus says that we will be like angels in Heaven. I believe that our loved ones can see us down here. They see our pain and loneliness, our anger and our sin, but they’ve gained a complete understanding of the human story. They know why like happened the way it did, and they know what we have to come home to as well.
Thessalonians 1:13-18 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
“When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and should the victory!”